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Porto city guide

“Why not Porto?” I heard that line at least a dozen times when I planned another trip to Lisbon. I eventually caved in and booked a trip. I had to see what all the fuss was about. And I must admit -even as a big Lisbon fan – that Porto is a very relaxed and fun city. Lisbon can be hectic, if not even chaotic. Crowds everywhere, people constantly in a rush. It can be charming but at some stage it also becomes annoying. Porto, on the other hand, is almost serene. I think that’s because it used to be a city of simple people. Aristocracy was not allowed to live there for more than 3 days at time. Imagine an actual law that prohibited rich people from owning a house in Porto. That bliss lasted from early Middle Ages to the 17th century. What if the lack of rich people is the secret to happiness? You can begin the exploration of Porto with the Clérigos Church. Climb the tower for an impressive view on the city and the river. It can get a bit claustrophobic in there and the way to the top isn’t easy. They keep it open at night and that’s when the view is the best.

Ancient charming Porto on the north bank of the Douro river; some catholic cathedrals are more than a thousand years old and many buildings are decorated with traditional Portuguese azulejo tiles

The Church of Saint Francis (Igreja de São Francisco) is the second church you need to see. It doesn’t look like much from the outside but the inside is jaw dropping. Every single part of the interiors is covered by a layer of gold. Step down to the ascetically cold catacombs, the complete opposite of the richness above. There’s also the Cathedral, but it’s nothing to write home about. Check it out if you want, but aside from being spacious it’s pretty underwhelming. One thing that will catch your eye in Portugal are the tiles. They call them azulejos and adopted them from the Muslims in the 15th century. Azulejos are everywhere, from regular homes to chapels like the Capela das Almas. They’re like a giant comic book depicting the lives of saints or the history of Porto. The São Bento interior is filled with tiles and they are the main reasons this train station is known as the most beautiful in the world. The only downside to azulejos is that thieves and collectors are increasingly targeting them. More and more citizens of Porto turn to the Bank of Building Materials because of that. They can store their tiles in there for free and withdraw in case they need a spare to fill in.

This city was a trade powerhouse and an essential European port ever since it was established by the Romans. It’s where they built all the ships when Portugal was a major player during the Age of Exploration. Cross the iconic Ponte de Dom Luís I bridge to Vila Nova de Gaia and stroll along the riverbanks. You can still witness the traditional ship building techniques around these parts. Most shipyards have been turned in wine cellars. Porto is home to the famous Port wine. It’s a trademark and it can only be made in the region. They grow the grapes along the Douro Valley and turn them into the delicious beverage in local wineries. Barrels end up in Porto, stored in cellars ran by generations of respected families. There’s a bit of a dispute about the origins of the recipe. The English could swear they’re behind the invention, but so claim the Portuguese. You can book a tour in one of those for €15 and that includes tasting. Lots of people attend those. It’s a cheap party and you can pretend you’re a fancy wine person.

Girl sitting at the bank of the Douro river and looking at the Bridge Dom Luis I in Porto

The Bridge Dom Luis I is named after King Luis I and connects the cities of Porto and Vila Nova de Gaia; the airy and graceful design in the style of Gustave Eiffel is created by his student and companion Théophile Seyrig

Getting five glasses for €5 is not uncommon in this city. Keep in mind that port wine is heavy stuff, those five glasses can get you wasted. That’s when the Francesinha sandwich comes into play. I personally find it disgusting, at least when sober. It’s a grilled cheese with steak, sausage, ham, egg, gravy and served with fries. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? It is, but you’re going to need that after all the wine tasting. Portuguese cuisine isn’t very refined; it’s simple and filling food. Their famous pastries are all egg yolk, sugar and a bit of flour. Not complicated stuff but very rich both in taste and calories. The only gourmet food that comes to mind is…canned fish. They managed to turn some of the most hated things on the planet into an art form. Head to the waterfront district of Ribeira and take everything in. It is, by far, the busiest part of the city, especially during the weekends. Clubs and bars range from quiet cafés organizing poetry reading evenings to electronic music mammoths like the Hard Club. Locals often continue their night fun around the Industrial District, which is recently becoming the next big thing in Porto. People are amazingly warm and friendly. Everyone speaks fluent English, which was a bit of an issue in Lisbon not that long time ago.

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Luxembourg City city guide

The tiniest things are often the most precious ones. Luxembourg is such a gem. It’s one of the smallest countries in the world, also one of the richest. Luxembourg City, the capital, in particular, is exceptionally prosperous and cosmopolitan. In a multilingual country like Luxembourg, the capital has many names. In French it is called Ville de Luxembourg, while the German-speaking inhabitants will call it Stadt Luxembourg or Luxembourg-Stadt. And in Luxembourgish, the country's third national language, the name Stad is Lëtzebuerg or d'Stad. People think Luxembourg is a city-state like Monaco or the Vatican, but it’s a little too big for that. Grand Duchy is what they call themselves. Basically it’s a monarchy with a Duke instead of a King. History aside, it’s just for the sake of being fancy. Luxembourg has been a target of conquest as soon as it became a country. They aimed to remain neutral and independent. But it was never an easy task particularly because of its location. Everyone wanted the country’s super-cool fortress. The Duke realized that it was the main reason they’re constantly being raided so he burned it. They could finally declare neutrality, like Switzerland. Germany wasn’t keen on the idea and occupied Luxembourg during both World Wars. After that they dropped the neutral mind-set, it was impossible to pull off for such a small country. And what do you do when you’re being bullied by the big boys? You form a biker gang. Luxembourg joined NATO and became one of the founding members of the EU. The rest is modern history.

Square with office buildings in Luxembourg City's business district Kirchberg (Kierchbierg)

Kirchberg (Kierchbierg) in the north east of Luxembourg City is the city's main business area with the headquarters of European institutions, banks, audit firms and other international enterprises

Being a tiny country in central Europe has many upsides, especially during peaceful times. A smaller area is easier to govern and doesn’t need to high taxation to keep the living standards up. All that sums up to low crime rates and negligible unemployment. It’s not Monaco or Dubai rich. It’s the slightly boring kind of rich like Vienna. Luxembourg is where rich people retire when they’re done partying. It’s the place where you’d rather visit with your aunt than with you friends. The capital is very charming with a lot to see, taste and experience. But it’s also slow. In fact, the entire city is a huge World Heritage Site. Which is no wonder since it’s over 1000 years old. Place d’Armes stands in the centre of it all and has a distinct French feel to it. You will encounter cobblestone streets and cafés smelling of fresh baked pastries and all kinds of deliciousness. The nearby Place Guillaume II gets a bit livelier as it hosts popular open-air concerts. Both plazas are part of Ville Haute, the oldest part of Luxembourg. You won’t be disappointed if you’re into history. You’ll notice many stunning buildings around like the Cercle Municipal, seat of the local administration.

Luxembourg City’s greatest tourist magnets are museums and fine dining. That’s, of course, in my opinion, but I doubt I’m alone on this one. Luxembourg City History Museum and the Modern Art Museum are both worth your time, if you’re into that sort of stuff. I find the Casemates much more interesting. The area called the Bock is what remains of the one of the most sought-after fortresses in Europe. Count Siegfried of Luxembourg may have burned it to avoid conflict but the ruins are still there. You can explore the walls and even the dungeons spread beneath the structure. They had all the imaginable facilities down there. With enough supplies and food stores the Dukes troops were able to withstand almost a year of siege. Some people say they’ve seen the mythical Melusine in the Bocks’ water sources. It’s a sort of a land-mermaid.

The renovated Vianden Castle located on a rock in Northern Luxembourg

Vianden Castle is one of the largest fortified castles in the Rhine area, located in the Northern part of Luxembourg it can be easily reached from the capital

Luxembourg is so small that you can take a bike ride to the German border. Little Switzerland is to the east of the city: a truly magical area with forests perfect for trekking. It looks like something out of fantasy books, there’s even a wooden bridge over a small waterfall called Schiessentümpel. Visit one of many vineyards along the Moselle Valley, a wine tourism destination for many people. Luxembourg has a particular climate and topography that allows winemakers to grow different species of grapes. It is supposed to be top quality stuff according to people who know their wines. I’m not one of them. Knowing that it goes great with food is the extent of my expertise. There are dozens of those tiny-portions-fine-dining spots spread all over the capital. Restaurants here have been granted a total 12 Michelin Stars. That is a lot for such a small city. Chefs at Mosconi and Ma Langue Sourit have won 2 stars each so it might be hard to book a table. Clairefontaine is also held in high regard in the international foodie community. Might be easier to get in while it still has “only” one star.

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Budapest city guide

When governments in other countries nowadays say that they are striving to become the second Hungary, I always hope they’re thinking about the cosmopolitan and romantic nature of its capital Budapest and not so much the totalitarian direction Hungary is heading towards. Politics aside, Hungarians are wonderful people and Budapest is an exceptional city, its stunning, baroque and neoclassical architecture, vibrant riverside and nightlife are what lures people in. Before my first visit to Budapest long time ago I always thought that apart from goulash there’s nothing to eat, see or do there. I couldn’t be further from the truth. With a population of almost 2 million people, Budapest is twice as big as cities as Amsterdam and Stockholm. It belongs to the seven biggest cities within the EU. Pretty remarkable, especially when you take note of the small size of country and its total population. Actually it is the only city in Hungary that really counts, it is economic hart of the country, the seat of all administrations and every new trend will start here.

View from the opposite bank of the Danube to the parliament building in Budapest

Hungarian Parliament in Budapest: an impressive building in neo-Gothic style located on the Danube banks

In a certain way Budapest is still two cities in one: Buda and Pest. In the older and more picturesque Buda you will find the Castle Hill, which can be seen from everywhere in the city. Looking over the Danube, Castle Hill comprises of Budapest's historical castle and palace complex of the Hungarian kings. The18th-century Buda Castle is a huge palace in an eclectic mix of renaissance and baroque styles, housing more than 200 rooms. Before there was on the same site a 13th-century castle, built to protect the city from the regular Mongol and Tartar attacks. Another tourist magnet at the Buda side of the Danube is the Fishermen's Bastion. This monument built in Neo-Romanesque style between 1895-1902 served as a marketplace where people could buy fresh fish. The building has a pretty unique style and always reminds me a bit of an famous fairy-tale amusement park in my own country. Next to it you will find the elegant neo-gothic Matthias Church. The Fishermen’s Bastion provides also great panoramic views to the Danube and the Pest side of the city.

Towers of Fisherman's Bastion against the blue sky in Budapest

Situated near the Buda Castle the fairytale Fisherman`s Bastion in Budapest

At the bank of the Danube you will notice immediately the Parliament building, which is also in neo-gothic style. It is really enormous and with almost 700 rooms is belongs to the top five largest parliamentary buildings in the world. When you would be at that side of the city I would also recommend you to visit one the most striking memorials I ever saw: Shoes on the Danube Bank. This monument honours the people who were killed by the fascist Arrow Cross movement in Budapest during World War II. It symbolises their shoes left behind on the bank after they were executed at the riverbank.

Pest is the more modern and commercial heart of the city. Popular spots for tourists are the Heroes’ Square at the end of Andrássy Avenue. Constructed in 1896 to mark the 1000^th anniversary of Hungary, Heroes' Square (Hősök tere) is the largest and most famous square in the city. Next to it you will find a large park, which makes a perfect spot to escape from the city hectic, especially on hot summer days. Close to the square on Andrássy út 60 is located The House of Terror Museum, which commemorate the victims of both the Communist and the Nazi regimes in Hungary. This fairly new museum received also some criticism: some criticasters say the current government is using it too much for its own political agenda.

The end of March is already a good period to plan your trip, because than you can witness the Spring Festival: the most important and largest fiesta spread over almost 200 events across the whole city. Usually during the first half of August the Óbuda Island in the river Danube gets invaded during a whole week by 100,000s of people who come to visit the renowned Sziget Festival. It is hard to imagine that this event which has become on the most prominent rock festivals in Europe started in 1993 as a small-scale local student event. In 2016 the festival reached attracted the amazing number of almost 500,000 visitors from 95 countries. Around 50% of the visitors come from outside of Hungary and the event is particularly popular with west Europeans, especially concertgoers from the Netherlands. The line-up of artists is incredible diverse and not only electronic dance lovers, indie fans or metal heads will find everything they like. The festival offers also many other niche music styles and it is heart warming to see it even caters for the interests of the elderly locals by offering them folk music and dance or other traditional stuff, so if your girlfriend has an headache you can also take your grandmother along. If you have a special interest in Jewish culture in the broadest sense Jewish culture you should visit in the beginning of September the Jewish Summer Festival, organized for the first time in 1998. The centre of the festivities is the magnificent Great Synagogue in Dohány Street, which – after the New York Synagogue – is the second largest Synagogue in the world.

Don’t miss out on Hungary’s cuisine; you wouldn’t want to end up HUNGRY, right? Ha! It really has much more to offer than goulash. Most of their cooking revolves around all kinds of paprika, sweet, hot, smoked. If you ever have time to buy some and bring it back home, you won’t regret it. When you would be done visiting the Castle Hill and a museum or two, and are a bit fed up with sightseeing you can also head for what’s really important: exploring Budapest’s thermal baths. All of them are heated naturally by thermal springs that flow beneath the city. Most of them include pools with varying temperatures, steam baths and massage facilities. The most famous ones are Gellert Spa (Kelenhegyi ut 4) and Széchenyi Baths and Pool (Állatkerti körút 9-11) and from own experience I can highly recommend both of them. Hungarians say there’s no better hangover cure than a visit to the baths with a beautiful woman.

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Helsinki city guide

I recently heard about a hilarious conspiracy theory about Finland. The whole story is pretty long but I’ll try my best to downsize it. Apparently, Russia and Japan made Finland up following the Cold War. Japan always had activists on their ass because of the extensive tuna fishing. We all know how they love their sushi. So, they came up with a fake country located in Eastern Sweden. Now they could harpoon all they want and no one would bat an eye. All the fish were then transported through Russia under the cover of Nokia products, a company owned by the Japanese. Russia would get its cut in fish because they were starving back then. Think about it. Fin-land? Fish-Fin-Land? It’s all obviously a very much over-the top joke. We live in a day and age where even the dumbest things seem normal. That would also mean that Helsinki is a cardboard capital. Suspiciously enough there aren’t that many tourists aside from the Japanese. And there aren’t that many tunas around either.

Suomenlinna sea fortress in Helsinki is a Unesco World Heritage site and one of the most popular tourist attractions in Finland

You leave your plane and you see a sign saying: “Welcome to Hel”. Sounds like a joke but it still makes you anxious. Let’s face it: if I had to come up with a capital city it would need a few essentials. The first ingredient would be something historic. Suomenlinna will do the trick. This 300-year-old fortress has served three different nations through both World Wars. It’s an awesome site to explore with kilometres of walls and tunnels. Almost a thousand people live and work on that island. It’s a bit of a cross between a town and an open-air museum. There’s a traditional café called Piper where they serve some epic cinnamon buns. Yes, those are a Finnish invention. An imaginary country couldn’t come up with a godsend treat like that.

Seurasaari Open-Air Museum is another interesting place close to Helsinki. It’s a very well preserved traditional Finnish settlement. Actors on-site re-enact the lives of previous generations. The best part is the Midsummer celebration towards the end of June. They do the whole drug-fuelled pagan bonfire and dancing shtick. Just like Ari Aster’s Midsommar, but without the human sacrifice I hope. Flowers, drinks, maypoles, magic mushrooms; old Finns knew how to party. Temppeliaukio Church is a place of different worship, carved into the bedrock in the centre of Helsinki. It’s huge and it doesn’t feel like much of a church. Thousands of tourists visit it annually praising its unique looks and acoustics. The Kamppi Chapel is its polar opposite, located in the busiest part of Helsinki. It’s more of a meditative refuge for stressed-out yuppies than an actual chapel.

An old ship in Katajanokka harbour, Helsinki and the Russian Orthodox Cathedral in the distance

Katajanokka: a charming and vibrant neighbourhood in Helsinki but also a busy harbour. Here is situated the largest Orthodox cathedral in Western Europe (Uspenski Cathedral)

We’ve covered a bit of past, what else does a real capital need? A future, I guess. Helsinki Museum of Contemporary Art is where it’s at. Kiasma, as its short name goes, began building its collection in the 1990s and is currently home to works of over 8000 artists. Contemporary art is an acquired taste. I believe nothing screams “FUTURE” like a sculpture of an ass sticking out of a wall. There’s even a functional Bad Boy statue of a kid urinating on a sidewalk. We’ve all been the Bad Boy; it’s so relatable. Especially the face it makes. It’s funny, but also terrifying like the giants from Attack on Titan.

The remaining part would be the “present”. What do people do in Helsinki? How do they spend their free time? Locals like to spend their weekends outside of the city. Finland has some truly magnificent nature and they do take care of it. They don’t call it the “Land of the Thousand Lakes” for nothing. Rent a lakeside cabin, grab a fishing rod and fridge full of beers and you’re set. The city itself gets pretty wild during the weekends, in case you prefer that to the forests and lakes. Finns are very open-minded; there are dozens of gay clubs and bars in Helsinki. DTM or “Don’t Tell Your Mother” (https://www.dtm.fi/) is possibly the largest in Scandinavia. Teatteri (https://www.teatteri.fi/) is one of the oldest clubs in Helsinki and aims for the more mainstream audience with deep pockets. Bear in mind you can’t buy hard liquor just anywhere aside from bars and clubs. Alko are the only government-ran stores where you can buy proper booze. There’s nothing better than a sauna after a night out. Visit Sompasauna, a community-driven DIY steam room open to everyone free of charge.

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Belgrade city guide

In another professional life I had the pleasure to work and live in Belgrade. I still remember how I arrived on a gloomy day in November. It was definitely not love on first sight but soon the city and its warm inhabitants conquered my heart. Every city built along the Danube River is a treasure trove of history and charm. The majority of those cities are Europe’s prime tourism destinations. Budapest, Bratislava, Vienna, all emanate that familiar, fairy-tale warmth. Belgrade (Beograd in Serbian) is similar, maybe a bit more laid back. Cobblestone streets, medieval castles; you can count in the whole package. Winter evenings make you look for the Little Matchstick Girl sitting around the corner. I like what they do with ruins, castles and other monuments in this city. They renovate those sites and open them for public use. Not like most administrations that lock those things up afraid that people will trample over them. Kalemegdan is a great example. It’s the cradle of Belgrade where people have lived long before the Romans made it their main fortress in this region. It’s more of a small town than an actual military fortification. They don’t keep it locked down, it’s open to everyone and the admission is free.

There’s even a popular lounge club called Terassa. Imagine having a nightclub at the Colosseum in Rome, there’s no way. The Kalegmedgan Park makes also an awesome venue for concerts and other live events. It was there where Amy Winehouse gave a concert on June 18, 2011, which turned out to be memorable event for a number of reasons. The gig, which was supposed to be the start of her European tour in summer 2011 ended in a huge deception. She was too drunk to stand on her feet, let alone sing and after being booed mercy less by the crowds she broke off, leaving the audience and her band behind in embarrassment. It became a huge scandal in Serbia since people paid over 30 dollar for a ticket in a country where the average wages are just a few hundred box per month. It was called the worst concert ever given in Belgrade and even Serbian ministers gave their opinion. At that time the concertgoers in Belgrade did not realise they witnessed Amy’s last live performance ever, since we all know the end of the story. A few weeks later, on July 23, 2011 Amy Winehouse died of accidental alcohol poisoning. And so she became another member of the notorious 27 Club, a group of popular musicians like Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain who all died at that age as the final chapter of their drug or alcohol addiction. Amy was an incredible gifted singer. I will never stop listening to her but seeing footage of her Belgrade concert on YouTube or in the stunning documentary Amy still pains me so I prefer not to watch that again.

Church of Saint Sava on Vracar plateau in Belgrade by night

The Church of Saint Sava is dedicated to the founder of the Serbian Orthodox Church with the same name; this huge landmark standing on the Vracar plateau in Belgrade can be seen regardless from what direction you access the city and is even one of the largest Orthodox churches of the world

There are some very interesting legends about Kalemegdan, which took place long before anyone had heard of Amy Winehouse. Some people say that Attila is buried in the close vicinity of the fortress. He was one of the most feared enemies of the Roman Empire, a living definition of a warlord. His grave is supposedly located at the confluence of Danube and Sava rivers, which would mean old Belgrade. These are just rumours, like the one about Dante descending Kalemegdan well into Tartar. Serbs are known for their jokes and storytelling; don’t believe everything they say. There sure is a well, but it was used for a different kind of entertainment. Guards’ favourite pastime was throwing prisoners down the well. Those who survived were pitted against each other in mortal combat. Gambling and hilarity for all, right?

Belgrade’s most interesting sites are hidden underground: both literally and figuratively. There is an entire under city that could rival the Paris Catacombs. Some of those tunnels are really ancient; there is evidence of a civilization older than Mesopotamian, mostly situated beneath Kalemegdan. There are aqueducts and baths, Austrian armouries, wine cellars and bunkers used by Soviet spies. Saint Mark’s Church stands on top of a cave where Romans sourced stones for their sarcophagi. It’s fascinating. Archaeologists claim that exploring all the tunnels could take decades. It blows my mind; I can’t even imagine what else could be there. Especially considering the Freemasonic presence in Belgrade. Some say they gathered in Srpska Kruna Hotel, which now functions as the Belgrade City Library.

Belgrade’s second underground scene is its famous nightlife. Surprisingly, the Serbian capital is one of the wildest cities on earth. I still remember how astonished I was during my first visits of Belgrade to see how crowded the cafes, bars and restaurants are, even at late evenings during working days. People party throughout the entire week, not just during the weekends. Whatever is your musical taste you will find something that floats your boat: alternative, folk, jazz, electronic and of course you can go wild on turbo-folk. It blends Serbian folk music with other genres such as pop, rock, and electronic or even hip-hop and is characterized by bombastic electronic beats and passionate local vocals. It emerged as a subculture during the 70s in the former Yugoslavia and became later associated with Serbian mafia and nationalism. But luckily its image changed for the better and now it is even embraced by the local LGBTQ community and alternative youngsters.

Old Town of Zemun with Gardos Tower (Kula Gardos) at the Danube near Belgrade

The architecture in the town of Zemun near Belgrade is different from the capital because this border city was for longtime part of the Austro-Hungarian (Habsburg) empire while Belgrade was under the rules of the Ottomans, Zemun's Old Town around the Gardos hill is particularly charming and also worth visiting for the great fish restaurants at the Danube bank

In Belgrade they do an amazing job of reusing all the industrial spaces built in the 20th century. Drugstore (https://drugstorebeograd.com/) is one of the most popular clubs in Belgrade. They say it’s THE underground club. Expect lots of concrete and rough, minimalistic design. It used to serve as a slaughterhouse back in the day. Now it hosts various cultural and clubbing events. Belgrade’s Splavs (or Splavovi in Serbian) are another pastime semi-exclusive to Belgrade. They call them the floating clubs, but they’re more like platforms on the river. 20/44 has been mentioned as one of the best clubs in Europe. It’s consistently in the top 5 according to The Guardian. They boast their Mulholland Drive’esque interiors but the truth is that it used to be a striptease club. The poles and the velvet are still there.

You’ll get the best out of Belgrade’s nightlife during summer. Beer gardens on Skadarlija and urban areas like KC Grad and KPTM are always packed. Belgrade is relatively cheap compared to Western European capitals until you venture into a certain area. Strahinjica Bana street, dubbed the “Silicon Valley” of Belgrade because of the many silicone enhancements of the women there, is frequented by the “more refined” crowd. It’s the most expensive part of Belgrade, but it’s worth every penny.

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Lima city guide

Travelling to Peru has become synonymous with visiting Machu Picchu. But despite the magnificence of this ancient world wonder in the Andes, this does not justice to what the rest of the country and its capital have to offer. Believe me: Lima is a fascinating city and definitely deserves a longer stay on its own. I always thought that all the colonial capitals of Latin America are the same. The historical city centres, the colourful favelas, beaches, and grilled meat; you know all that jazz. But not Lima: Lima is so much different. One look at this coastal capital and you think: “this is so fragile, how is it still standing”. It looks like how the entire coastline is one earthquake away from collapsing. Think about it when you’re sipping gin at one of those cliff cafés. Lima is a mystical city built on the ruins of an ancient civilization. People have lived in these mountainous lands long before Columbus. As a matter of fact, even long before the Incas. There are well-preserved ruins of an almost 200 years old pyramid. Standing in the middle of the city, just like that. They even uncovered a tomb with two intact adult bodies and a child sacrifice. That was normal stuff back in those days.

View of Machu Picchu and llama to the backdrop of the Andes Mountains

Machu Picchu, the mysterious and magnificent Inca settlement of the 15th century is the main attraction of Peru and probably of entire Latin America, to get there from Lima you will need to travel to the city of Cusco

Those traditions are still practiced here and there in Peru. Not as savage since you can’t just grab a kid and cut its heart out anymore. Brujeria is a bit of an obscure belief system. It’s a combination of Christianity, witchcraft and their indigenous rituals; so a bit like Haitian Vodou. You can learn more about all that and do a bit of shopping at the Witches Market. Mercado de Bruja is a part of the Gamarra Market, next to the train station. What sort of stuff can you buy there? Candles, ointments, talismans, dried lizards. You can even consult a witch doctor or a healer. That’s just over the counter supplies. I wonder what kinds of trades happen behind the scenes. It’s also a place where you can get ripped off easily. Honestly, how do put a price on a dried llama foetus? How do you measure its quality?

The market is just the beginning of the creepy side of Lima. The ossuary in Convento de St Francisco has been rediscovered in 1943. It used to be a thing back in the day. Many churches in Europe have ossuaries and it never ceases to amaze me. They had limited graveyard space, so they buried people just for a little while. The remains were exhumed a few years later and moved to church basements in order to create pretty art. It was a foolproof plan. The clergy got free décor and more space to bury people in the cemetery. The ossuary wasn’t the only thing they discovered in 1943. Turns out that there are underground tunnels connecting most churches in Lima.

Bright yellow facade and balconies of the Palacio Municipal de Lima

The Palacio Municipal de Lima (the City Hall of Lima): a beautiful building in colonial style on Plaza Mayor or Plaza de Armas of Lima in the old city centre

The majority of Lima’s citizens are Roman Catholics. I think it’s awesome how they balanced their ancient religious customs with Christianity. There are some beautiful colonial churches in Lima, such as the breath-taking Cathedral. An inner chapel holds remains of Francisco Pizarro, Lima’s founding figure. He did what every other conquistador did: he arrived, butchered the locals and claimed the land for the Spanish Kingdom. He was a bit of a dick too. Pizarro bamboozled Atahualpa (the leader of the Incas) to parley as a sign of good faith. Then he captured him, collected ransom and still killed the guy. Glorious conquistadors.

Enough of this morbid talk: let’s have some fun! Lima is a Latin American capital, after all, people here love to party. There are two main entertainment areas in this city. Miraflores is the district where the suits go to sample the new Peruvian cuisine and sip on whisky in rooftop bars. Best clubs in town for the coolest kids. Barranco is more of an organic, cosy kind of area. Think of tiny, back alley watering holes packed with local artists and vagabonds. There’s an iconic bridge and a story of a misalliance between a noble and a street sweeper. Holding breath while crossing that bridge supposedly helps you find true love. Huaringas, one of the best bars in Lima, is nearby. They concoct all sorts of delicious pisco-based drinks (pisco is a Peruvian brandy). Barranco is also home to El Dragon de Barranco, Lima’s immensely popular dancing club, and frequented by stunning local women. It’s built into an old colonial manor and features live music and cultural events.

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Montréal city guide

Montréal is one of the oldest cities in North America. It’s also the most French city outside of actual France. There’s a fascinating contrast between the New York-like skyscrapers and old almost Parisian residential areas. You’ll see what I mean when you visit Old Montréal. That district is one historic building on top of another and it’s stunning. They even got their own Notre Dame, several actually. Notre-Dame Basilica was built in 1672 as a small church and grew over the years. In 1824 the congregation grew so large they couldn’t fit into the building anymore. The administration commissioned a new building, which was finished in 1843. Interiors took a few dozen years longer to finish. What we see now was the final product. The best thing about this particular Notre-Dame is that it’s not very Christian. I know it’s a horrible thing to say but it would make an awesome nightclub. The stained glass is unusual, as is the eerie luminescence. The only person resting in its crypt is no saint. Not even a man of the cloth, but the architect James O'Donnell. Montréal has some more Notre-Dame sites. We seem to think of Notre-Dame as the iconic cathedral in Paris, but it just stands for “Our Lady”. It all comes together when you learn that Montréal used to be called Ville-Marie (City of Mary).

One of the main streets in Old Town of Montreal

The Old Town of Montreal with its charming French style architecture is a real tourist staple

The current name comes from Mount Royal, the hill overlooking the city. It’s an important place for locals who love to spend their weekends among nature. This mountain is a real cultural and sports powerhouse throughout all four seasons. You can hike or enjoy the Beaver Lake on a rowboat during summer. Visit St. Joseph’s Oratory, which contains the heart of Brother Andre, the famous healer. Even the nearby Notre-Dame cemetery is stunning during summer. It was built with an image of Père Lachaise in mind but I don’t see many similarities. But it’s a great place for a walk nevertheless. Mount Royal gets even livelier during snowy winters. People trek using snowshoes, race around the skating rink and drink hot cocoa in charming cafés. More natural wonders await you in Montréal itself. They have an entire district dedicated to natural science with fascinating exhibitions. “Space for Life” is its name and it consists of the Biodome, Insectarium, Botanical Garden, and a Planetarium.

Colorful Victorian-style houses in Montreal

Colorful Victorian-style houses near Saint Louis Square in Montreal

Montréal inherited a lot from its European founders. The city is famous for its culinary variety, quality and…prices. It gets pretty expensive but you’ll struggle finding better restaurants in Canada. There are several districts inhabited by different nationalities. Chinatown, Little Italy; the food is delicious wherever you go. You can only eat as much pizza and General Tso Chicken before you’ve had enough. “When in Rome do as the Romans do” and try some local stuff. Canadians are obsessed with freshly baked bagels. Why would you even ruin perfectly good dough by making a hole in it? Then you take that smoked salmon and awkwardly manoeuvre it around the hole. It’s so weird. Bagels make me uncomfortable, but they’re serious business in Montréal. So much so, that there’s a decades-long rivalry between two bakeries. Fairmont and St. Viateur are the Bloods and Crips of the Canadian bagel scene. It’s up to you to decide which ones are better: if you dare. Thankfully, you can get some proper sourdough bread at the famous Schwartz’s Deli. The lines are ridiculously long but the smoked meat sandwich is worth the wait.

Montréal is also infamous for its party culture. During the day it’s a family-friendly city with the occasional whiff of pot here and there. The nights are something else. This city is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A giant campus city filled with frat kids. People come to Montréal to party and it’s awesome if you have the same mind-set. Some people complain that it’s unpleasant at night and that they don’t feel safe. It’s obviously subjective and depends where you’re coming from. Loud, drunk college kids can get obnoxious and aren’t something I’d like my kid to see. Montréal also has a homeless people issue. Not very apparent during the day but it’s a different story after dark.

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Pattaya city guide

Imagine you just bought a new graphics card. You plug it in, install the drivers and all the additional software. A few more minutes later you can play your favourite game on ultra settings with new levels of detail, vibrant colours, and sharp textures. You love it at first; there’s so much going on, a whole new world to experience. Next thing you know, you get nauseous, your eyes start bleeding and you’re have an epileptic seizure. Pattaya reminds me of this sensory overload. It’s your very first acid trip. In my opinion, this city is the incarnation of everything that is wrong with modern tourism. Just like all-inclusive tours in Egypt. You know, the ones where people don’t even leave their hotel pool area. Everything is plastic, hollow as if quickly put-together for the tourists. When you travel, you’re supposed to learn something about the other culture, right? Experience, get a feel of the local life. What do locals do in Pattaya? They jump around trying to please the tourists. Perhaps I’m just a grumpy old dick with high expectations. After all, it was but a poor fishing village just 50 years ago.

There are two sites in Pattaya that I consider worth checking out. The Sanctuary of Truth is the first one. People started building that gigantic temple in the 1980s and hope to finish it by 2050. Why is it taking so long? The Sanctuary is made entirely out of three kinds of wood using ancient building methods. You won’t find a single nail in there; it’s incredible. Every wall is being decorated with mystical wooden sculptures. They say it’s a monument to all the religions of the world and how they’re all connected. Theoretically, there are 30 years left until it’s finished. Seriously, I cannot imagine what more they can come up with until then.

Golden Big Buddha statue and staircased flanked by dragons on top of Pratumnak Hill near Pattaya

On Pratumnak Hill, between Pattaya and Jomtien Beach, you wil find a gigantic 18 metre tall Buddha statue; the largest in the region, and the eye-catcher of the Wat Phra Yai Temple

Big Buddha is the second thing worth checking out in Pattaya. It’s an 18m tall statue standing on top of a hill overlooking the bay area. You can see it from a far distance and it gets funnier the closer you get. You climb the stairs and you stand before a hilarious statue of Buddha. He’s got this dirty smirk and his chest looks like a pair of second-hand breast implants. From there you can go to the floating market. People are obsessed with that place and it is not hard to understand why. This old fishing village with traditional food on boats is certainly charming. I love those wooden houses on bamboo stilts and platforms. A few questions come to mind though. Where are the sewer pipes? Where does the waste go? Why is the water so murky?!

Everything else in Pattaya is a superficial tourist magnet. Like the Cartoon Network Waterpark, they opened in 2014. They got Johnny Bravo, The Powerpuff Girls, and Samurai Jack. Those were the superheroes of MY childhood. They might have missed their mark by like two decades. I’d still go and have fun because I’m old. But would modern kids even recognize any of those characters? The Mini Siam and Mini Europe are beautiful parks with miniature buildings. It’s like Las Vegas with all sorts of landmarks from different places in the world. They got the compulsory Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, the Pyramids, even the Angkor Wat. I think they’re trying to pack all that stuff into Pattaya to make it more appealing to a wider range of tourists.

The mountain of Khao Chi Chan near Pattaya with a large golden image of Buddha carved in stone

Khao Chi Chan with its huge image of Buddha carved in gold leaf on a cliff features the largest Buddha image in the world

Bangkok is nearby. All the traditional Thai food and Buddhist temples and palaces are there. Why try to be something you’re not? No matter what Pattaya aims to be, it’ll never become another Bangkok. It’s a wild resort town where people come to party. Pattaya Beach is a major part of this city’s appeal. Locals say that nothing beats a sunset with your feet buried in the sand and a drink in your hand. Leave the coastline via the Pattaya Beach Road, which then turns into the famous Walking Street. You won’t find more white and Indian guys drooling over Thai girls anywhere else in the world. Coming to Pattaya to lose their virginity is almost a rite of passage for young Indian dudes. There is an entire infrastructure made to accomplish that goal. You got night clubs, go-go clubs, shady massage salons open 24/7, seedy hotels and karaoke bars. It’s essentially a 500m long whorehouse. They even call it “Sin City”.

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Doha city guide

Almost 80% of Qatar’s population resides in Doha. The entire territory outside of it is desert, so I don’t blame them. Calling it the capital city is an understatement; Doha IS Qatar. It’s is the standard Arabic success story. Find oil, get rich, begin rapid development, live a good life. You’d think that this region is homogenous, that they all love each other. That’s what I thought but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Qatar has always been the black sheep of the Arabic family. Some say it’s because they’re quite progressive. The others would say it’s because of their enormous gas and oil deposits. Qatar, as it currently stands, is the richest country in the entire world.

Neighbouring countries (mainly the Emirates) blocked trade with Qatar, aimed to “corner them economically”. Imagine trying to trip someone and he does a pirouette showing you the middle finger. Ironically, it opened Qatar up to the rest of the world. They pushed reforms that made them irresistible to tourists and investors. They modified their monarchy to be a little bit democratic. They removed the need for visas from the majority of visiting countries. They pushed down on the infamous slave work scandal around the Gulf. They invested their huge fortune abroad, built their foreign relations. Uncle Sam having one of his most important bases in Qatar was also a factor. Or maybe it’s just that people just like Doha more than Dubai?

Museum of Islamic Art at Doha Corniche, a waterfront promenade with skyline of Doha

The Museum of Islamic Art situated on an artificial peninsula overlooking the south end of Doha Bay, its unique design blends ancient Islamic style elements with modern architecture

In 2010 Qatar scored the right to host the 2022 World Cup. They’re really big on football there. They bought PSG and secured Neymar as the ambassador of their National Bank. First thing I thought was that 12 years is a hell lot of time for preparations. But then I realized how much of an infrastructure they have to raise. Doha already has one of the best airports in the world and they’re only getting started. Building sites are everywhere you look. Like the stunning Al Bayt Stadium designed to resemble a seashell. It’s a human tragedy though how many people lost their lives during the construction works. The death toll of immigrant workers from Asia is beyond all imagination. An article in the Guardian revealed that at least 6.500 workers from India, Pakistan, Nepal, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka, died between 2011 and late 2020 (https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2021/feb/23/revealed-migrant-worker-deaths-qatar-fifa-world-cup-2022). The story published in February 2021 gained worldwide attention and the findings fuelled the opinion of many criticasters that the event should be boycotted. Or even better: completely cancelled.

Many years before it already turned out that migrants working on the construction of the stadiums were abused and exploited. Many are being subject to forced labour. They can’t change jobs, they can’t leave the country and they often wait months to get paid. It’s modern slavery, full stop. And it’s for good reasons that Amnesty International renamed the event as “Qatar World Cup of Shame” (https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/campaigns/2016/03/qatar-world-cup-of-shame/). Although I am passionate about football and I will be sitting in front of the tellie at the end of 2022 I tend to agree with those who say that the tournament should not have been organised by Qatar in the first place. Cancellation of the event is no longer an option though; the financial interests at stake are simply too high. And a boycott by some critical countries is not feasible either. I just hope the multimillionaires on the pitch make an impressive statement and demonstrate the same commitment and solidarity as they showed regarding Black Lives Matter during the 2020 UEFA European Football Championship.

The good thing about Qatar is that they’re preserving their traditional architecture as well. I love those traditional homes that look like they were sculpted in the sand. Those fit surprisingly well with the skyscrapers and other futuristic monuments. Museum of Islamic Art is such a fusion, one of the most beautiful buildings in Doha. It’s the final stop at the Corniche seaside promenade, which is a landmark on its own. Some of the pieces contained in the Museum are over 1400 years old, including jewellery, carpets (likely magic carpets), glass, pottery, and some ancient tomes.

Qanat Quartier (Little Venice) at The Pearl of Doha with a mini version of the Rialto Bridge over a canal

Doha's Qanat Quartier, nicknamed Little Venice, is located on Qatar's artificial island The Pearl, the district is inspired by the famous Italian lagoon city and features canals, Venice style houses and even a copy of the Rialto Bridge

If you’re looking into Doha’s history then the Katara Cultural Village should be your first stop. It’s not only an open-air museum but also a hub for various events. They got a functional amphitheatre, cinema, conference centre, et cetera. There are even plans for an upscale shopping mall. You can do your shopping at a traditional souk in the meantime. You can even chill at a nearby beach if you feel like it. Keep in mind that Qatari are still kind of orthodox when it comes to clothing. Suit up and hit the Souq Waqif market, the iconic traditional bazaar in Doha. It’s also quite the nightlife spot. Locals and tourists sit around smoking shisha, dining, drinking, and talking. This souk truly radiates that classic Arabian Nights spirit which is now so hard to come by.

You might feel more comfortable around Pearl Qatar. It’s an artificial island because insanely rich countries have a soft spot for artificial islands. It is also the only piece of land where foreigners can own real estate. The island looks like a “pearl necklace”, hinting Qatari pearl diving history. It’s ridiculous, like something you’d make in a city-building video game. A shopping mall here, a lake there, a Roman coliseum, and a Spanish villa around the corner. Everything is seemingly out of whack but it somehow works. What if it’s the future of mankind? Artificial continents for when our current ones get obliterated by climate change? Plan your visit for January if possible. It’s when the annual Qatar Motor Show takes place and it’s a real treat for car lovers. I’m not one of them but I can appreciate juicy curves when I see them.

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Almaty city guide

Almaty and Kazakhstan in general, exist outside of the modern world. If the earth was actually flat then Almaty would be on the dark side of the disk. Entire Central Asia is shrouded in mystery. No one was ever interested in this city or even the country. It was invisible to the pop culture. That’s until 2006 when Sascha Baron Cohen came up with Borat and it wasn’t pretty. Hilarious, but its controversial humour caused quite a shitstorm. The main issue was that people thought it was a real documentary. Cohen depicted Kazaks as simple, impoverished people who filled their spare time with incest and awkward dancing. It took a while for the audience to realize the true satire was aimed at the USA. Truth be told, Borat did this country and its people a disservice. Almaty, the former capital, is stunning! It’s like a haunted castle hidden in the mountains, people know it’s there but no one dares to visit. It looks and feels like what would happen if China and Russia had a baby. Think homemade noodles served alongside ice-cold vodka on a plastic tablecloth. People speak very little English. It’s not that bad with the younger generations, but don’t count on your taxi driver answering to anything but Russian. Better yet: take an Uber, it’s usually a 1/10th the price of a cab.

Almaty Central Mosque to the backdrop of mountains and skyscrapers

Almaty Central Mosque: one of the largest and most beautiful mosques in Kazakhstan

Almaty was under Soviet rules for almost 70 years. It shows in the characteristically intimidating buildings and metro stations. I wouldn’t be surprised if the local metro network was an extension of the one in Russia. They’re so similar, and you never know with all these Soviet conspiracy theories. All those frescos, murals, and statues: they look like a mirror image of the ones in the Moscow underground. Maybe they form part of a secret emergency escape plan for Russian government officials? We might be onto something here. There are many examples of similar architecture in Almaty. The old Presidential Palace, the Opera House or even the central train station has the distinct Eastern Block ugliness slapped all over them. Things are changing and the shy face of a new age is slowly peeking out. First President's Park is such a site, classical columns mixed with illuminated modern fountains. It quickly became the favourite spot for locals and visitors.

If I had to pick a second favourite, I’d go with Kok Tobe. It’s a mountain in Almaty, over 1000m above sea level. There’s a park on top and sort of a nightlife hub with an interesting street food area. You can take a bus shuttle bus to the summit, walking and cable cart are also available. Best time to go is the early evening so you can still visit the luna park and souvenir shops. There’s also the Beatles statue, for no particular reason. The real fun, however, starts after dusk when they crank up the music and fire off the light show. It’s also when you can catch the best view of Almaty, the city looks amazing at night. Having a nightlife area on a mountain 6 minutes away from the town is pure genius. Visit the Green Bazar if you’d like to dive deeper into the local food scene. First thing you’ll notice are those old-school soviet meat scales. I remember those from my childhood. Nomadic people from Central Asia have a long tradition of eating horse meat and there’s plenty of it in butcher shops in Almaty. They make some amazing sausage out of it; they also drink horse and camel milk. It might sound weird since Western people have the mind-set of a horse being a pet, not food. But at least it’s not a dog, right?

Big Almaty Lake: an hour drive from Almaty, you'll find a picturesque mountain lake, where the water changes color depending on the time of year

The entire region surrounding Almaty is a treat for nature lovers. Zailiyskiy Alatau is what the mountain range south of the city is called. Those peaks are relatively untouched by human hand, as Kazakhstan isn’t a popular travel destination. Chimbulak (Shymbulak) is their main ski resort and it’s awesome. Not as crowded or chic as the ones in Europe, so you can get your winter sports fill in peace. It used to be the Olympic Training Centre for the USSR; it sometimes feels like an open-air museum. Don’t be surprised if the song Katyusha roars from your hotel room alarm clock in the morning. Medeu is another remnant of those times, it’s huge skating ring built in the 1950s. The remarkably turquoise Big Almaty Lake is close by; it’s one of the main sources of water for the city. Armed guards patrol the area, often expecting bribes for the supposed “trespassing”. A real shame because the lake is wonderful and they just ruin that impression. Nature is the centrepiece here; this part of Kazakhstan is just a huge National Park. Drive about 200km east of Almaty and you’ll come across something very unique. Have you ever wanted to see the Grand Canyon but they just won’t grant you that goddamn US visa? They got their own Grand Canyon in Kazakhstan; it might not be as Grand but it’s impressive enough, being almost 100km long.

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